Video Script:
Time for a little retro. Time to Return to Castle Wolfenstein.
No, not that far.
Not there yet.
OK, there we go.
I never got to play the original Castle Wolfenstein game for the Apple II simply because I didn’t know it existed because no one I knew had it.
I got play it. Katherine’s brother had it. It was really the biggest coolest thing. And everyone came over “I got the coolest game!”. Loaded it up and it was Castle Wolfenstein for the Apple II. It was like, “Doot, Doot, Doot,” It was awesome. Coolest thing I ever saw.
Wolfenstein 3D was another story. Played the original Shareware version quite often until DOOM came around. Since then, I’ve played Return, the singularly named Wolfenstein, plus the newer Alternate History Wolfenstein series that started with “The New Order”, where the Nazis won and BJ spends years in a coma. I know a lot of people panned the series, but I’ve enjoyed it’s alternate history/retro futurism with Nazis aesthetic and storyline. Though I didn’t seem to really figure out it’s simply a big budget version of a grindhouse “Nazi-sploitation” flick until this scene in “New Colossus”
Suddenly the entire thing took a new light, especially explaining some of the goofier elements of the games, even Youngblood, which wasn’t as hardcore storywise, but still played like an 80’s young adult adventure, with blood & guts.
Those are the best adventures.
Still, of all of these versions, I really liked 2001’s “Return to Castle Wolfenstein”. It really gets the standard WW2 shooter mixed with super-science and sorcery down well. And it feels like a standard action film or adventure novel, not quite as fantastical as the later Wolfensteins with magical mcguffins and moon bases. Also, there is just something… solid about the game. Literally. I’m not sure if it is just the sound design or the look of the Quake III Arena engine, but every time you open or close a door, fired or reloaded a gun, everything just felt weighty, like you were doing some physical in the game. Unfortunately, the game’s textures don’t quite hold up to the light of HD. But we’re not here to review the game, we’re here to look at nude mods.
Um, ‘Literally” isn’t used correctly. ‘Cause unless you’re talking about it’s literally because you had an actual game disk and it wasn’t downloaded over Steam or something, it’s figuratively because you’re not picking up an actual gun.
Thanks
Yep, that’s what I’m here for. Pedantry is us.
Amusingly, the biggest resource I’ve seen for nude mods for Return is a German website called nudefix.de . It also has some other mods I have seen images for elsewhere, like the Dead Rising 2 nude mods I mentioned in my Wishlist video. Anyway, the zip files are password-protected, so you need an account to get the password. Fortunately, Chrome’s ability to translate makes it pretty easy to navigate. I have also seen a couple of these mods elsewhere, but it’s nice they are all in one place.
In Return, one of the main targets for the nude mods is the Elite Female Guards of Oberführer Helga von Bulow,… I’m waiting for the horse neighing like…
That was from Young Frankenstein and that was Frau Brucha.
… which are dressed in the stereotypical skintight leather outfits of most Nazisplotation movies. They only show up in a few sections, so we will be seeing the same footage over and over.
First up, we only pop the tops with “Topless Elite” by modder Vandal. This mod opens up the tops of the Elite Guards exposing their breasts, but also puts them in short-shorts and stockings instead of the full leather pants.
I like the booty shorts. The booty shorts are good.
But Vandal didn’t stop there, with a second mod titled “Nude Elite”. This version removes the shirts and pants completely, but you can still see a collar around the neck and they have the thigh-high stockings. The pouches are still around their waists, but notice the belt is missing. Lastly, Vandal decided to sign the mod over the pubic region, but the letters are too blurry in-game.
You know, I don’t think that those outfits are quite OSHA standard. Might have some issues, especially in labs. And weren’t they using electricity? That seems not optimal.
Next person to take a swing at undressing the Elites is Wile E. Coyote with “Wolfenstein Elite Guard Nudepak”. In this version, the elites have stockings as well, but also have belts to hang their pouches from. There is also a second version with the tattoos seen on SS Psychic Marianna Blavatsky at the end of the game.
After just going for the Elite Guards, We can move onto mods encompassing women from the rest game, except for Helga… unless that’s your thing.
Neeeigh!
Modder ThunderEye has two different packs, one called “Nude RtCW Girls” and the second called “RTCW-Nudepatch All”, though both have no noticeable difference that I can find. Both include naked Elites with pouches, but no belts, as well as the German civilian women you find in the village. Later, there is a wife/mistress/lover you find after you kill a Nazi target. And finally there is the Priestess Marianna, fully nude as she summons and pledges herself to the demonic Heinrich the First.
Who the hell is Heinrich the First? I don’t recall in my Germanic mythology a Heinrich the First.
Well he was supposed to have been an actual person.
I want to see, like… it should have been, like, Wotan or, ya know, got all First Reich-y, Second, Third Reich-y. It should be Wotan or Sigard or somebody appropriate, not Heinrich. Heinrich sells wieners down on First & Second. Maybe he has really good wieners. It is Germany.
History Lesson:
Heinrich the First aka Henry the Fowler, was regarded as the first German King, establishing the Ottonian Dynasty. Heirich Himmler saw himself as Henry’s reincarnation and visited his tomb frequently. This inspired the story, though Heinrich the First was not the bloodthirsty demonic tyrant shown here.
Another full nude mod is available from modder SMaz with “Nudepatch RtCW”. This version has some variations over ThunderEye’s, including belts for the Elites and some missing the stockings that other versions had.
You think if they don’t have the belts with those pouches, are the pouches just, like, surgically sown into the skin? This is somethings I think about when I see those. It sort of like, maybe they are just wearing a skin suit with the belt attached. Or it’s like the goofy Danzig film we watched last night (Verotika) where the woman was ripping off the girls’ faces. Maybe they got just, like, a skin pouch. Skin belt. Then again, most leather belts are technically skin belts. Hmmm, that’s a thought…
One of the German fraus has a top that looks more torn, and the Nazi General’s woman has some skimpy see-thru lingerie on.
Lastly there is a rather brazen attempt to upend the game. See, there’s a multiplayer component to Return that was fairly popular and someone going by the name Baiter…
Master Baiter
…created the mod “WarBabes”…
The Dark Master Baiter
…and attempted to replace all of the males in the multiplayer game with women. This “Warbabes” mod was then imported into the single player game and a more recent version was remade by “DerpyF4N”. And I got to commend what it did right. It’s not much of a nude mod, unfortunately, only a couple of the characters ended up topless, but overall it is amusing to see Nazi commanders in their red swastika panties. While an interesting achievement, it suffers from a lot of problems. Sometimes characters don’t show up at all, others will change character models from cutscene to actual game. Some don’t even have proper animations and occasional bugs will prevent you from moving forward. And then there’s the fact the voices are not right at all. I’d say play through the game with a less drastic nude mod so you have all of the save points available for you to go back and check out what Warbabes has available.
Yeah, but will a mammoth spawn right on top of a dragon, and then the mammoth takes a ride on the dragon? Those are awesome, awesome glitches. Just wanna throw that out there.
Well, unfortunately this was not Bethesda.
Nah, Bethesda, many, many issues, but the best glitches.
So that is what I’ve found for nude mods for Return to Castle Wolfenstein. I’m always keeping my eyes open for more, if you see any more, please let me know. Oh, and as an extra note, I’ve been trying to research actual early nude modding and there’s a great article on the website “Stick of Joy” about the adult mods for the first Wolfenstein 3D. Seems the first adult mod came for it 6 days after the game was released. So if you want some more Wolfenstein goodies, check them out.
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