Video Script:
Hi! Sorry about that. This was way longer than I had planned. Life kinda got in the way. But I’m still working on the show, as you can plainly see. I’ve also set up an account on subscribestar.adult/beelzerog, because Patreon is being sketchy with adult content. Don’t worry, all episodes will still be free here. But if you’d like see some behind-the-scenes, as well as have some input on the show, consider subscribing. The money will be used to pay for expenses, like hosting fees, buying games to review, and equipment as needed so we can keep going. Yeah, I said ‘We’. A few episodes ago, I mentioned I’m married. We met over 21 years ago at a local anime club meeting and pretty much been together ever since. And she’s been wanting to join in the fun here to do some color-commentary. So, to start off, let’s introduce the new voice you’ll be hearing, who’s going by the handle “Rini”. Say, hi!
Hiiiii! It’s yellow commentary. Yellow color commentary.
Allrighty, then. We could probably go down your whole geek resume, but let’s focus on video games. I know you started young like me.
So my Geek cred, I suppose. Got a Colecovision when we were kids, I don’t even remember… I could flip the board twice on Zaxxon with just one guy. We used to have friends come over and watch us. Yeah, what was it… Nintendo. Never did finish Legend of Zelda because my brother kept stealing the cartridges and once he reached a certain level, all of our characters kept getting deleted. I think it was karma because he kept stealing the cartridges. Been playing Diablo since it first came out in the 90’s, except for this new brewhaha that I have not been engaged in and until Blizzard cleans house, I’m not interested in getting the new game. And I’m currently obsessed with modded Skyrim. How’s that?
That’ll work.
OK
And you’ve been modding the hell out of it, too.
No, not really. Not compared to some people. I mean, some people, like on the r/Skyrimmods literally have a thousand mods, which is kind of re-cock-ulous. But mainly mine are just quest mods. I don’t do much with touch the look and feel, ‘cause I really like the look and feel of Skyrim.
OK, that will get us started.
Oky-Dooky
And now we’ll do something that might pop up every once in a while when I have some items to show or updates that won’t fill an entire episode. And I’m going to steal the old Laugh-In name of Potpourri.
In my vintage video games episode I mentioned the earliest commercial adult game was “Softporn Adventure”, but it’s not quite true. There were mentions of earlier games, but I didn’t want to include them in the episode until I could confirm it. And now I can.
Back in 1974, Nintendo was looking to promote a new light-gun game they had created called “Wild Gunman”, which used video footage of Old West cowboys rather than computer generated opponents and would play different footage depending if you were faster than the other gunman or not. As a publicity stunt to promote this game, they created another version, called “Fascination”, which featured footage of a woman and you’re tasked with shooting the fasteners on her clothes, like a trick-shot artist. If you are good enough, you can remove her clothing, rendering her completely naked. Unfortunately, Fascination was only playable at trade shows and a few preview events in Shinjuku, designed to attract the mostly male news reporters and purchasers. No surviving cabinets, or video footage, has been found and only one small image published in a magazine survives.
Meantime “Wild Gunman” was eventually reworked in 1984 into a cartoony light-gun game for the Famicon/NES system.
It’s an interesting jump from shooting off people’s fasteners to “House of the Dead”. I think I prefer “House of the Dead” because I’m not that interested in shooting off fasteners of women’s clothing. Now if you had… oh, what’s his face from Resident Evil and you were shooting fasteners off of him, that would be nice. I can’t remember his name. Oh hells.
Are you talking about the character or the actor?
The character… was it #3? I can’t remember now… anyways. It’s been many, many years since I played Resident Evil, actually. Some of you are probably too young to even know what I’m talking about.
I’m quite sure they’ve remade those versions. As a matter of fact there are nude mods for Resident Evil games. Including the men.
I hope so, ‘cause you gotta have equal opportunity.
Always prefer equal opportunity.
Resident Evil: Code Veronica. The Chris character. That’s the one. Oh yeah, I’d be up for that.
Also, there was another adult arcade game from 1980 called Streaking, released by Shoei Co. of Japan. It was a Pac-Man-like maze game where a naked woman runs around a maze attempting to keep away from the police as she picks up pieces of clothing. Interestingly, it also has a fatigue meter that will go up if she’s not collecting the dots. Obviously, never made it very far in the States, but an altered version was featured in the teen sex comedy “Joysticks “ from 1983, listed only as “The Stripper Game”.
Back in the Adventures in Deus Ex modding, I mentioned I had thought about showing more mods I was working on. Well, that was going to be for the work I did on GTA: Vice City. Don’t come for me, Take-Two, I’m not going to release it!
In that game’s review, I said that I wasn’t happy with Denadin’s work on a couple of characters, as well as wanting to do some artwork replacements. I’ve managed to get them to work, but I’ve also seen why Denadin didn’t want to alter them. Let’s go back to “The Party”. I managed to get Mercedes’ dress to work after much editing. Again, see-thru worked better than trying to do open cups. And Candi Suxx is now completely naked. Her problem is the pattern for her bikini bottom is a repeat on the back, so I had to remove her pubic hair so it wouldn’t look weird on her behind.
Do you remember pubic hair? I bet you don’t because you’re probably all too young. Mmmm, 70’s bush.
Well, this is technically 80’s bush, but there are older people who do actually watch my videos. ‘Cause some of them kinda took the “I’m Old” thing personally.
Oh, well, being that we’re middle aged, you’re also old, too.
Repeating patterns is the same reason why I didn’t bother with editing Mercedes’ casual look, because her skirt pattern is repeated on her top.
After that are my billboard and art mods. As with Deus Ex, I attempted to keep with the theme of the original artwork. But now I have the added problem of attempting to keep them looking more time-period correct. Finally just decided if it wasn’t obviously out of place to go ahead and use them.
On top of the billboards, I replaced a lot of art in Phil Cassidy’s trailer and the Vercetti mansion. One frustrating part is I created two sets, one for when Diaz owned the mansion and when Vercetti took over, but the only time you see Diaz’s version is in the middle of the “Shakedown” mission. Given how trashed the place looks as Vercetti runs it, I figured the gang replaced Diaz’s fine art with Playboy centerfolds.
On top of that, I replaced the paper flyers littering Vice City. The tabloid Elvis was replaced with Bettie Page, which can also be seen on the banner flying around the city, and a couple of Playboy centerfolds on the back part. Lastly, I edited one of the video game cabinets, replacing the original screen with a screenshot from the porn game “Beat’em & Eat’em”.
<singing>“Eatin’ aint cheatin’. Suckin’ ain’t fuckin’! ”
This was a very frustrating mod to do because certain artwork is repeated in different art sets. There was also some artwork in the sets that never got used in the final game, so I felt like I wasted my time.
On a side note, well after I originally wrote all this, Take-Two started sending C&D notices to several GTA 3 series modders after quietly changing their terms of service. When those threats went out, I made it a point to download as many adult mods as I could for these games. Take-Two then announced a new ‘definitive edition’ for the GTA 3 series, and when the definitive editions were announced, I managed to buy the original GTA 3 and San Andreas before Take-Two had them removed from Steam. I will be showcasing them with adult mods in a later video.
Personally, I think this was really shitty on the part of Take-Two. Had they not gone after the modders, I might have given them a chance on the definitive editions, especially if there was some sort of modder support. But now I don’t trust them to have any modding support, and as such, will probably not buy the new edition anytime in the near future, if at all.
In the meantime, we get “Skyrim: The Anniversary Edition” with FISHING! Yeah, no, thanks Todd Howard. We were all joking. It was a joke…for fuck’s sake…
And lastly, one of the game franchises we both love to play is the Lego games. What, just cause I like adult games doesn’t mean I can’t like kids games, too?
Legos are not for kids. Legos are for everyone.
4-99!
4-99. Just, ya know, don’t give them to your kid ‘cause they swallow them and then they’ll die. Unless you want your kid to die, and that’s another issue all together.
Anyway, so I keep an eye open for mods for Lego games. And, as you can guess, I saw one that relates to my videos. Presenting “Lego Skimpy Heroes Mod” by The ReallChrisHenderson for “Lego Marvel Super Heroes”. It won’t add any actual curves to your Lego figures, but you can pretend. Also added a couple of new signs for the city as well.
Yeah, I don’t think mini-figs are the least bit sexy and I don’t think you can make mini-figs sexy and if you’re wackin’ off to mini-fig, you got issues. It’s like wacking off to “My Little Pony” and the sad thing is, I’m sure there’s actually people that wack off to “My Little Pony” and ya still got issues.
That, and why isn’t (Black) Widow like, you know… who is that, Marvel gets like, no clothes and a little strappie thingie and some gets naked, but Widow’s still in her full, you know, SHIELD battle armor, like what?
The zipper was all the way down.
Yeah, but still, who wouldn’t want to see Scarlett Johansson naked? I’m not gay and I’d like to see Scarlett Johansson naked. Oh, wait, she was naked in that movie. I gotta watch that one.
So on that note, we’ll wrap this up. Hopefully you enjoyed having another voice on the videos. Let us know what you think, consider going to SubcribeStar.adult/beelzerog …
Yay, Money!
And we’ll get into those promised ‘old game mods’.
Later!
Bye!
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